The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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