You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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