I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.