i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
