Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.

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(847): Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed. http://tfl.nu/5sxg

Replies (14) Good night (651) Bad night (4815)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

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(505): He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued. http://tfl.nu/19hy

Replies (40) Good night (11171) Bad night (3047)
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(419): View more from Ohio

Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?

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(419): Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat? http://tfl.nu/dmug

Replies (5) Good night (3513) Bad night (940)
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(512): View more from Texas

The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.

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(512): The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose. http://tfl.nu/i300

Replies (15) Good night (981) Bad night (6557)
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(315): View more from New York

my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.

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(315): my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say. http://tfl.nu/ygp4

Replies (20) Good night (6145) Bad night (1073)
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(718): View more from New York

I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

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(718): I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary. http://tfl.nu/e3xl

Replies (155) Good night (8127) Bad night (8471)
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(516): View more from New York

Found your pants in the mailbox

(646): View more from New York

What were my pants doing in the mailbox?

(516): View more from New York

I don't know but there's postage on them

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(516): Found your pants in the mailbox (646): What were my pants doing in the mailbox? (516): I don't know but there's postage on them http://tfl.nu/6yt8

Replies (36) Good night (6025) Bad night (1198)
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(914): View more from New York

I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.

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(914): I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired. http://tfl.nu/rh17

Replies (11) Good night (944) Bad night (2700)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want

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(570): Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want http://tfl.nu/5ndp

Replies (5) Good night (2311) Bad night (748)
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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.

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(312): I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having. http://tfl.nu/dhko

Replies (6) Good night (646) Bad night (1617)
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(416): View more from Toronto

this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me

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(416): this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me http://tfl.nu/7rt7

Replies (9) Good night (3122) Bad night (746)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.

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(270): No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife. http://tfl.nu/ovxt

Replies (4) Good night (1858) Bad night (866)
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(816): View more from Missouri

There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?

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(816): There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life? http://tfl.nu/cxgm

Replies (2) Good night (748) Bad night (419)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.

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(630): Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger. http://tfl.nu/07lb

Replies (3) Good night (793) Bad night (314)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship

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(860): so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship http://tfl.nu/7dsx

Replies (1) Good night (372) Bad night (203)

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