Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.