Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
