she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
two words...techno handjob
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm at about main and main street
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
