The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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