apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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