nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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