Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
