i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
