whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
