I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
