Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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