That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
