did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Found the puke drawer
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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