Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Shame - the story of my life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
