Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
