WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
