mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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