piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
