Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
