I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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