just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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