she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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