just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize