Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
