he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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