I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
