Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
