We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
