Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
