Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
