You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
