I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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