why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize