Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
