I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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