Can i not drive my cunt home
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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