lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
