thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
