I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
