I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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