I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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