OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
