i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
