Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
