i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
