This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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