Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
