the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
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