He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize