After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
