I love black thongs
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
