I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
