That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
