there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
