I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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