i don't like sucking hair
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
