So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
