Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
