Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
