and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
