I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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