dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
