Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize