Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
