dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
