remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
