"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
