see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
