I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
