My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
