Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
