i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
