Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
