we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
